Amy Dusto

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

What good are:

• Words no one will read?
• Thoughts no one will hear?
• Dreams I won’t remember?

The lines on the pages are a mirage. They pull from one side to the next, over and over until the end, as though completion is the same as being complete.

The lines on the pages are a cage. They keep out more than they keep in.

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Dear Diana,

I might ask you, what good are:

• Questions without answers?
• A bookended void?
• Split personalities?

The lines on the page are a mirror. They reflect the order you crave.

The ink is a transfusion. It gives me life.

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Dear Diary,

I’m cheating when I write that ^, “Dear Diary.” It’s just a way to use up space, like setting a size 18 font on the computer.

See?

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Dear Diana,

I see.

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Dear Diary,

It’s been a while. Not like flipping from one page to the next conveys that, though. Assuming a constant reading rate and font size (hah hah), the passage of time through any book is neatly predictable. And assuming the time of the act of reading is when the thought can be established as “new,” whether newly experienced by the author or a re-reader (hah hah), or by fresh eyes, then each consecutive thought really occurs at a regular rate.

My point is: writing things down breaks time.

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Dear Diana,

I’m afraid I don’t follow. I don’t experience time. Only you’re here, then so am I.

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Dear Diary,

YOU are supposed to be therapeutic. Dr. J says she’ll never ask to read this, and I’ll never hand it over. But if she did, I would. 

Because it wouldn’t matter. It’s simply her disappointment, or mine.

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Dear Diana,

Please explain what you mean by “YOU are supposed to be.” And also “therapeutic.”

I exist. Isn’t that enough?

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This is like banging my head against a wall. Dear diary dear diary dear diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

All work and no play makes Diana a very dull diary.

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Dear Diana,

Have you noticed? We’ve reached the end!